Part One: Analysis of the Current Situation

Catholic Diocese of Hong Kong

Diocesan Synod

Group Five – Marriage and Family Pastoral Care

Second Draft

PROLOGUE

With regard to marriage and family pastoral care, it is the belief of this drafting group that attention should be given especially to the following three areas:

Firstly, pastoral care for marriage and the family should start from a sound foundation with clear and long-term formation plans. Negatively speaking, formation can prevent problems, while positively speaking, it can help people to reach greater perfection and enrich their lives. However, formation should be provided at the appropriate time and adapted to the needs of individual members of the family.

Secondly, the parish and the diocese should give support and provide adequate pastoral care when the faithful face problems in their marriage or family life.

Thirdly, a happy marriage and a healthy family are intimately related to one’s spirituality; thus families that pray together are in a better position to face up to difficulties.

In order to put forward some concrete proposals that can address our current situation, we cannot do without some basic knowledge about Hong Kong and the Diocese of Hong Kong.

1. ANALYSIS OF THE CURRENT SITUATION

Modern society has been undergoing rapid, enormous changes. While information technology has been developing at a tremendous pace, social structures, the family and ethical concepts, as compared with the past, are now very different. Thanks to advanced technology, people’s standard of living has been raised, but they are drifting apart as far as interpersonal relationships are concerned. They are more spiritually barren and desire to be satisfied. As the family is a basic element of the social structure, if all sorts of family and marriage problems are faced squarely and tackled in earnest, this will make a crucial contribution to social harmony as a whole.

1.1 General Social Condition and Trend of Families in Hong Kong

In the past twenty years, various political, economic and social changes have taken place in Hong Kong, exerting great influence and bringing about a series of new phenomena and problems to local families. Since the reversion of Hong Kong to Chinese sovereignty in 1997 by the Sino-British Joint Declaration initiated in 1984, there had been an upsurge in emigration, with a significant number of Hong Kong residents moving overseas. On the other hand, the fact that Hong Kong residents get married on the Mainland has led to the influx of thousands of Mainland women (and children) to Hong Kong. This had definitely brought pressure on the educational, medical and social services of Hong Kong, as well as its labour market (particularly for the non-skilled sectors). After the reunion of Hong Kong with China, quite a lot of emigrants decided to return to Hong Kong to integrate themselves once more into our local society. Due to this fact, the labour market, which has been experiencing keen competition since the economic-monetary crisis a few years ago, has become more and more strained. And in turn, this keen competition of the labour market (especially for the non-skilled sectors) has intensified the conflicts between local residents and the new arrivals from the Mainland.

Since the opening up and liberalization of Mainland China in the beginning of the 1980’s, the local manufacturing industries have been moving northwards to China, so that the local economic development has become concentrated mainly on the financial and services sectors. Due to economic restructuring, many non-skilled, middle-aged workers are forced to face the pressure brought by salary cuts and unemployment. Simultaneously, Hong Kong people from different walks of life have started to work and stay on the Mainland for longer periods, leading to the separation of family members and the phenomenon of “virtual single-parent families”. The long separation between couples not only weakens their relationship and impedes their communications, but also makes the supportive function of the family ineffective.

Along with the economic development and the implementation of general education, the traditional concepts about love and sex have become more vague, and premarital sex, cohabitation and trial marriages have become more socially acceptable. According to a survey of young people, 75% of students were not opposed to premarital sex (see Appendix 1). It is easy to see that the new generation accepts the idea that when a man and a woman have mutual affections, then they may have sex; the marriage certificate is no longer regarded as the permit for sexual relations. Moreover, marriage is no longer an “inevitable” choice, since the number of people who choose to stay single or cohabit has been increasing. Nowadays men and women also tend to postpone their marriage and child-bearing. According to a government source speaking about local families in 1997, the median age for first marriage is 29.6 for a man and 26.8 for a woman.

Following economic development, local parents adopt “over-protective” ways more and more in educating their children, who thereby become very fragile. According to a study made by Yang Memorial Methodist Social Service in September last year, children were not only well looked after by their parents and being provided for beyond what is reasonable, but often, even what children could do by themselves was done for them by parents. Parents were also too tolerant towards their children’s misbehaviour. As a result, our children lack self-confidence, have no respect for authority, and easily get angry and shrink back.

Along with the economic prosperity, people of the present generation are more and more demanding on their marriage and on their spouse. Apart from asking for mutual care, most couples expect intimacy, in-depth communication and sexual relationship. Though they are asking more from their spouse, a great number of them still spend most of their time and effort on raising and educating their children, to the neglect of communication and intimacy with their spouse. A report of the Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory Council in December 2000 pointed out that one-eighth of the couples who approached it for marriage counselling were asking for help because their sexual relationship was not harmonious, thereby undermining their marital relationship. This can explain why the divorce rates mounted from 7,735 in 1994 to 13,408 in 1999, with an increase of 73.3% and leaving thousands of single-parent families. The soar of the divorce rates has brought about another phenomenon, i.e., a rise in remarriages, which increased by 18.7% from 5,309 in 1994 to 6,302 in 1999. (see Appendix 2)

Over the past few years, another serious family problem is extra-marital affairs. On the one hand, since a large number of Hong Kong people have to stay on the Mainland over long periods for work, their marital relations are weakened, and this accounts for why they are easily tempted into looking for mistresses. On the other hand, many people no longer cherish the values of marital fidelity, but instead focus their attention on sensual excitements (see Appendix 3). According to the statistics on extra-marital affairs gathered by Caritas Hong Kong in October 2000, a considerable number of people (male or female) who have extra-marital affairs are about forty years old, and have already been married seven years or more.

Family violence is yet another family problem which on the increase. Not only is the increase in the cases of violence against wives alarming (in 1999 alone, those cases involving only governmental departments are already more than 3,000.), but quite a number of parents, for various reasons, have even killed the rest of their household before committing suicide. The attitude of being fed up with life so easily is indeed a cause for concern.

The great majority of couples in Hong Kong have recourse to family planning, but very few of them choose the natural family planning (NFP). As in other countries, the “Human Reproductive Technology Ordinance” relating to “surrogate motherhood” enacted in Hong Kong on 22 June 2000, is having a great impact on the moral values which the Catholic Church has been upholding.

Since the general public do not take the moral values of sex and human life seriously, the problems that follow, like abortion, have become rather acute.

Though Hong Kong has achieved rapid and remarkable developments in the areas of technology, education, culture, entertainments and internationalization over the last thirty years, a report issued on 22 June 2000 by The Hong Kong Council of Social Service pointed out that there had been a noted retrogression on “family unity” (the indices being +100 in 1991 and –161 in 1998). This is an adequate reflection of the difficulties and challenges that Hong Kong families are now facing.

1.2 Family and Marriage of Hong Kong Catholics (see Appendix 4)

The Catholic population of Hong Kong (excluding the non-permanent Hong Kong residents) is about 230,000, i.e. about 4% of the local population of six million. About 10% of local Catholics are Mass-goers, while the other Catholics, who have distanced themselves from the Church, hold values similar to the general populace in Hong Kong, and their situation can be seen from the above general description for Hong Kong. However, even the Catholics who still maintain a relationship with the Church or who are steadfast in their faith will, more or less, be influenced by the wide-spread, prevailing ideas in Hong Kong. Therefore, to a certain extent, Catholics encounter a variety of marriage and family problems that are common in Hong Kong. These, in general, are as follows:

1.2.1 New Concepts about Marriage

Being influenced by the general trend of society, people are either unclear or skeptical about the basic concepts of marriage and of the family, such as fidelity, unity and permanence of marriage, etc., or else they simply disagree with them.

1.2.2 Mixed Marriages

The number of mixed marriages has been on the increase, accounting for more than 80% of the total number of Catholic marriages. These mixed marriages would create problems for the Catholic parties and Catholic families, and for evangelization in the future. However, from a positive point of view, they also offer opportunities for evangelization, hence they deserve special attention.

1.2.3 Civil Marriages or Cohabitation

There is an increasing number of faithful who, for ideological or practical reasons, would rather choose civil marriages, and reject or defer church marriages.

1.2.4 Divorce and Remarriages

From time to time valid marriages are regrettably broken for different reasons. The Catholics who are involved understand well that valid marriages may not be broken, and so after divorce they naturally feel that they have left the Church. Moreover, being quite ignorant about whether they can receive the sacraments or not after divorce, sooner or later, they leave the Church completely.

1.2.5 Contraception and Abortion

There have not been adequate promotion and education by the Church in respect of natural family planning (NFP). Not being well informed, Catholic couples have little confidence in NFP. Another possibility is that they either do not agree with the Church’s teaching that “every conjugal act must be open to procreation”, or else in view of their own difficulties they do not practise NFP. Some Catholics, after failure in contraception, have recourse instead to abortion, which is sometimes regarded as one of the many contraceptive methods.

1.2.6 Infant Baptism

Some young Catholic couples, either because they are influenced by the lax mentality of our society, or because one of the parents is a non-Catholic, or because both Catholic parents agree with the trend of our free society, have been misled by the wrong ideas that since children have the freedom and right to choose their religion, the parents should leave them to make their own choice after they grow up.

Marriage and Family Services provided by the Church and related Institutions (see Appendix 5)

According to a survey, the Church is helping the faithful to resolve problems arising from marriage and family life through two main channels, namely:

1.3.1 Brief Introduction to related Institutions and Organizations in the Diocese:

Caritas Family Service

A Catholic institution subsidized by the government that provides a rather comprehensive range of family services.

Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory Council (CMAC)

A government-subsidized Catholic social work institution which focuses mainly on marriage problems. It provides services for people of different religions, with major objectives in: (1) education; (2) counselling couples who face difficulties; (3) providing “marriage mediation service” for marriages which are no longer viable, allowing couples to break up peacefully with due consideration for the well-being of their children.

“New Family Movement” affiliated with Focolare Movement

The Movement, with about seventy members, is practical-oriented, and is engaged in meditating on the Word of God and sharing faith experiences, being companions to married couples and providing formation etc.

Family Movement

It organizes a series of family functions, allowing Catholic families or couples to give mutual support and encouragement through gatherings at the parish level.

Courses and activities related to the family and marriage by the Diocesan Office for Laity Formation. Jointly with the Family Movement, it organizes courses and activities for lay people on family life and marriage, such as child education, tackling problems related to children and marriages.

Couple Co-Creation Society Ltd

Formally established in 1994, it has Fr. Thomas KWAN, Fr. Thomas LEUNG, SJ, and Sr. Dominica CHENG, SPB as advisers. It provides a systematic series of gatherings and workshops with specific themes for couples, allowing them to benefit through mutual exchanges and sharings.

Programmes conducted by Fr. Thomas LEUNG, SJ, and Sr. Dominica CHENG, SPB

They provide formation courses for Catholic couples, the newly weds and couples preparing for marriage. When the programmes are over, there will be follow-up regular gatherings for participants to share their experiences and give support to one other.

1.3.2 Parishes in Hong Kong (see Appendix 6)

A small number of parishes have formed groups on marriage and the family that cope with the particular social settings of the local community. However, most parishes have only organized talks or activities on marriage occasionally. Besides, some parish priests have complained that they are too busy to think of organizing family activities.

Services provided by parishes on marriage and the family are out of proportion with those provided by Church institutions. Many parish priests merely concentrate on providing sacramental services, and are not sensitive enough to the more personal needs of the faithful. Moreover, most Catholics are not accustomed to and do not know how to voice out their problems about marriage and the family; thus, they feel isolated and helpless.

1.4 Conclusion

In conclusion, it is necessary for the Church, among her other duties, to tackle the current social problems regarding the distancing of interpersonal relationships. Accordingly pastors need to devote more time to care for their flocks and be their companions.

2. CATHOLIC DOCTRINE, CHURCH TEACHINGS AND PRINCIPLES

From the analysis of the current situation, it can be seen that many problems arise from marriage and the family because most people (including Christians) have unclear concepts about marriage and the family, or because there has been a shift in the moral standards. Therefore, there is a pressing need for people to learn once more the true meaning of marriage and of the family. This second part on “Catholic Doctrine, Church Teachings and Principles” offers a brief description of marriage and the family in God’s salvific plan. It is hoped that through a deeper understanding, people may strive for a more well-defined goal and achieve an enriching, healthy and happy marriage and family life. In this way there will be hope of progress for Hong Kong society as well as for marriage and family life in the Church context, and our moral standards can be expected to be raised.

It is necessary for pastors engaged in marriage and family ministry and for related organizations to understand the pertinent pastoral principles of the Church, since deviations in the application of these principles could lead to harmful, or even disastrous consequences for the faithful.

Marriage and the Family in God’s Plan

2.1.1 In all cultures, marriage entails a promise and a commitment. True love, by its own right, demands commitment and promise. (Cf. FC 11) In order to live their love, the bridegroom (a male) and the bride (a female) commit themselves and promise to be true to each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, and to love and honour each other all the days of their lives. They are bold enough, in the face of the unknown future, to give themselves to each other through the offering of their own lives.

The dignity of marriage lies in its fidelity, unity and permanence. (Cf. CCC 1644-1648)

2.1.3 In God’s plan, all husbands and wives are called in marriage to help each other to holiness. (Cf. FC 34, 56, 13)

The marriage convenant has, between two baptized, has been raised by Christ to the dignity of a sacrament. (Cf. CIC 1055) God has, through a love convenant remained, lived with His people; similarly, Christ, the saviour of humankind and the Bridegroom of the Church, has helped Catholic couples through the sacrament of marriage. (Cf. GF 48) The conjugal love of husband and wife becomes the symbol of the convenant between God and His people (cf. FC 12) and of Christ’s love for the Church. (Cf. FC 13)

2.1.5 The sacrament of marriage conveys special sacramental grace to help couples to carry out their missions. (Cf. FC 13)

2.1.6 The marital relationship has been instituted by God Himself. Thus a marriage between two baptized people, once ratified and consummated, is indissoluble and irrevocable (except by death). (Cf. CCC 1640) “So they are no longer two, but become one. (Cf. Gen 2:25) Man must not separate, then, what God has joined together”. (Mt. 19:5-6)

2.1.7 The loving union of husband and wife is the mutual self-giving in the totality of one’s being. “Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter—appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and of will.” (Cf. FC 13, CCC 1643) Love that “is as powerful as death” and that “no flood can drown”. (Cf. Song 8:6-7) There are no other circumstances, except marriage, under which man can offer to another human being such a total integrality of himself (cf. FC 11), self-giving as “bone taken from my bone, and flesh from my flesh” (Gen 2:23). The happiness enjoyed by children requires the fidelity of the spouses and the indissolubility of marriage. (Cf. GS 48, FC 20)

2.1.8 The virtue of chastity involves the integrity of the person and the integrality of the gift. (Cf. CCC 2337) Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery that is ordered to the gift of self. (Cf. CCC 2339, 2346) One has to practise the virtue of chastity at various stages of one’s life.

2.1.9 The conjugal act has a double meaning: the meaning of mutual giving of love and that of fecundity. The relationship between these two meanings is set by God and should not be broken by man. (Cf. HV 12, FC 32) God said, “It is not good for the man to live alone” (Gen 2:18), “ ‘In the beginning the Creator made people male and female,’ And God said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will become one’ ” (Mt 19:4-5) and “Have many children” (Gen 1:28).

2.1.10 The Church can instruct couples, who, with some serious and just reasons, plan to have children after a period of time, that they may use the natural cycle basically in their reproductive ability, i.e. only to have conjugal acts during the infertile period. This way of controlling birth does not violate the moral principles of the Church. (Cf. HV 16)

2.1.11 The Church has always hold the view that: contraception is intrinsically evil. This is a teaching which should be treated as right and unchangeable. Contraception is a deliberate act that prohibits fecundity while allowing conjugation between a couple. It grossly violates the chastity of marriage, the virtues of the passing on of lives (the meaning of fecundity of marriage) and the giving and receiving between a couple (the meaning of conjugation of marriage). Besides, it violates true love and denies the supreme role of God in the passing on of lives. (Handbook for Confessors: Morality on Conjugal Life 2.4)

2.1.12 Among all the life-violating sins, the characteristics of artificial abortion makes it the most serious and lamentable of all. The definition of abortion and the destruction of infants as given by Vatican II is “a loathsome (mortal) sin”. (Evangelium Vitae 58)

2.1.13 The family is the basic unit of society while marriage is the foundation of the family. Conjugal communion constitutes the foundation on which the broader communion of the family is built, of parents and children, of brother and sisters, of relatives and other members of the household. All members of the family, each according to his or her own gift, have the grace and responsibility of building, day by day, the communion of persons, making the family “a school of deeper humanity”. (Cf. FC 21)

2.1.14 The essence and the mission of the family are in the final analysis specified by love. (Cf. FC 17) (Some of the ways which help couples and family members to holiness are as follows)

2.1.15 Couples should communicate on the basis of sincere dialogue, since in depth of their relationship depends on their communication. Love between a couple should consist of the spirit of sacrifice and should be centered on Christ. (Cf. FC 20)

2.1.16 Parents are teachers and catechists, imparting rudimentary knowledge and catechism to their children through abiding by the will God and the teaching of the Church in helping their children to become good citizens and mature Christians. (Cf. FC 39)

2.1.17 Parents have the right and obligation to provide a holistic education to their children, including comprehensive sex education and education for chastity for their children. (Cf. FC 36-37)

2.1.18 Family is the place for formation of vocations and cultivation of spirituality, and parents have a duty to encourage their children to actively and positively respond to God’s call. (Cf. FC 70-71)

2.1.19 As a domestic Church and part of the social community, the Catholic family should undertake the roles of prophet, priest and king in society. The role of prophet is to share one’s faith with others by living out God’s Word and to safeguard rights and justice, especially the rights of the family. Then, the role of priest is to dedicate one’s everyday life as a spiritual sacrifice, while the role of king is to provide warm hospitality to the needy, especially showing concern for the under privileged in society. (Cf. FC 42-48)

2.1.20 Each member in the Catholic family is a catechist, as well as a receiver of the Good News, so that he or she should have the courage to be a witness of the Good News, be in communion with the Church, and live the Church life actively and positively. (Cf. FC 49-56)

2.2 Pastoral Principles for Marriage and the Family (Cf. FC 65-85)

2.2.1 Pastoral Formation and Counselling before and after Marriage

For Practising Catholics

The Catholic family has the responsibility of preparing young people for marriage and counselling them on family life. The changes that have taken within almost all modern societies also demand that both society and the Church should work together to prepare young people properly for their future responsibilities. Experience teaches that young people who have received adequate formation for marriage and family life are generally better than others in keeping to a set of correct values and criteria of behaviour, and in their ability to tackle problems. After marriage, especially in the first few years, couples still need ongoing formation and counselling. Thus the Church should, with the help of various ecclesial communities (parishes, lay associations and Catholic families, etc.) and specialists, implement a solid and ongoing formation and counselling programme that adopts a positive, gradual, stage-by-stage (childhood, teenage, adolescence, courtship, proximate preparation for marriage and after marriage, etc.) approach.

For lapsed Catholics

Pastors should pay special attention to the moral and spiritual dispositions of the bride and bridegroom, in particular to their faith. There are some Catholics who request to be married in church for motives which are social rather than genuinely religious. It is the primary duty of pastors, through premarriage formation, to rekindle their faith and purify their motivations, so that they can meet the basic requirements of Christian marriage.

2.2.2 Organizations (diocese, parishes, Catholic families, lay associations and Catholic institutions) and Personnel (bishop, priests, deacons, religious and specialists) engaged in Pastoral Care of the Family

The pastoral care for marriage and the family has to be considered under two aspects: universal and particular. The second aspect is expressed and actuated in the diocesan community, and in particular in the parish, which is a pastoral unit under the diocesan community. Pastoral care for marriage and family undertaken in the parish is more effective, although no plan for organized pastoral work, at any other level, must ever fail to take into consideration the pastoral care of the family.

The Church should actively prepare those who will be engaged in the pastoral ministry for marriage and the family, namely, priests, deacons, and men and women religious. The Church should also enlist the help of lay specialists, such as doctors, lawyers, psychologists, social workers, theologians and marriage counsellors.

As for married couples and Catholic families, they play an unique role in the mission of building up the Church and the Kingdom of God in history. Their tasks include bearing witness to God as Catholic parents, providing religious, ethical and civic education for their children, teaching them to make proper use of the mass media, advising them on choosing a vocation, and taking part in the work and activities of the ecclesial community and civil community. Catholic parents should co-operate with other Church members who dedicate themselves to the family apostolate. Besides, Catholic families should also assist other families spiritually and materially, especially those most in need of help and support, as well as the poor, the sick, the elderly, the disabled, orphans, widows, abandoned spouses, unmarried mothers, mothers-to-be in difficult situations who are tempted to have recourse to abortion.

All kinds of ecclesial communities, lay associations and various groups and movements, can in a variety of ways and in different areas (such as promotion of natural family planning, defending the rights of women and children, promotion of the public good, etc.), participate in the pastoral work for the family.

The bishop must exercise particular solicitude for marriage and the family, which forms a priority sector of pastoral care. He must devote to this sector personal interest, care, time, personnel and resources, but above all personal support for and co-ordination of the work of all those who, in the various diocesan structures, assist him in the pastoral care of the family.

Priests and deacons play a crucial role in pastoral work for marriage and the family. Their responsibility extends not only to moral and liturgical matters but to personal and social matters as well. They should give special support to those families in difficulties and sufferings.

2.2.3 Pastoral Care of the Families in difficult Cases

There are families and individuals who, often independently of their own wishes and through pressures of various other kinds, find themselves faced by situations which are objectively difficult. Such, for example, are the families of migrant workers, broken or single-parent families, families with children who are disabled or addicted to drugs, and the elderly who are obliged to live alone with inadequate means of subsistence. These cases are especially in need of pastoral commitment that is generous, wise, prudent and modelled on the Good Shepherd. Apart from providing practical assistance, the Church should encourage these families and individuals to trust in God through prayers. The Church should also study the factors that lead to their situations with a view to helping to find a long-term solution.

Below is a concrete description of some of the difficult cases:

Mixed Marriages

In Hong Kong, as in other places, marriages between Catholics and non-Catholics are on the rise, with a non-Catholic party who is either a Christian of another Christian Church or Ecclesial Community, or a member of another religion, or someone without religion. In these mixed marriages:

Pastors should help the Catholic party, before marriage, to understand properly his/her obligation of practising the Catholic faith and the consequent obligation to ensure, as far as is possible, the baptism and upbringing of the children in the Catholic faith. Besides, based on the respect for religious freedom, the Catholic party should not bring undue pressure to bear on the non-Catholic party to make him/her change his/her beliefs or outlook on life, or to impede the free practice of such beliefs or outlook.

If both parties are Christians, they should make good use of and develop the elements that they have in common, i.e., those elements deriving from their common Christian faith that are conducive to the expression of their unity in the sphere of moral and spiritual values, and that can contribute to the ecumenical movement.

Most importantly, through the support of the community, the Catholic party should be strengthened in faith and positively helped to mature in understanding and practising that faith, so as to become a credible witness within the family through the quality of love shown to the other spouse and the children.

Trial Marriages

Many people today try to justify “trial marriages” by attributing a certain value to them. The Church, for her part, cannot admit such a kind of union. For, in the first place, the gift of the body in the sexual relationship is a real symbol of the giving of the whole person. Such a self-giving cannot be subject to the limitations of time or of any other circumstances. In the second place, marriage between two baptized persons is a real symbol of the union of Christ and the Church, which is not a temporary or “trial” union but one which is eternally faithful.

De Facto Free Unions

This means unions without any publicly recognized institutional bond, either civil or religious. This phenomenon, becoming ever more frequent, is based on varying factors, including economic considerations, the scorn and rebellion against society or the institution of the family and the social and political order, or the seeking of pleasure, or a certain psychological immaturity that makes the parties uncertain or afraid to enter into a stable and definitive union.

All the above elements lead to serious consequences: (1) From the religious and moral perspective: loss of the religious sense of marriage; deprivation of sacramental grace; grave scandal. (2) From the social perspective: the destruction of the concept of the family; weakening of the sense of fidelity; possible psychological damage to the children; aggravation of selfishness.

Catholics in Civil Marriages

From the point of view of the civil law, these Catholics have made a commitment to a properly-defined and probably stable state of life. However, similar to those Catholics who simply cohabit with others, they live a life that violates the moral values held by Christian faith, so that they may not be admitted to the sacraments.

Separated or divorced Catholics who have not remarried

From time to time, mutual lack of understanding, the inability to enter into interpersonal relationships or other factors can unfortunately lead to irreparable breakdown of valid marriages. Under these circumstances, separation must be considered as a last resort, after all other reasonable attempts at reconciliation have proved vain.

Loneliness and other difficulties are often the lot of separated spouses, especially when they are the innocent parties. The ecclesial community must support such people more than ever and help them to cultivate the spirit of forgiveness inherent in Christian love, and to be ready perhaps to return to their former married life.

The ecclesial groups must offer special love and assistance to those who have undergone divorce but who, being well aware that a valid marriage is indissoluble, refrain from remarrying and devote themselves solely to carrying out their family duties and the responsibilities of Christian life. Besides, they should not be hindered from receiving the sacraments.

Divorced Catholics who have remarried

More and more Catholics are affected by the trend of remarrying after divorce. Nevertheless, pastors must be careful in discerning different situations: (1) some people have sincerely tried to save their first marriage, but have been unjustly abandoned by their spouses; (2) some have, through their own grave fault, destroyed a canonically valid marriage; (3) some have entered a second union for the sake of the children’s upbringing; (4) some are subjectively certain in conscience that their previous and irreparably destroyed marriage had never been valid.

Pastors and the whole community of the faithful should follow a pastoral principle, i.e., to help the divorced, making sure that they do not consider themselves as separated from the Church, for as baptized persons they can, and indeed must, share in her life. They should be encouraged to listen to the word of God, to attend Mass (but not to receive Holy Communion, see reasons below), to persevere in prayer, to contribute to works of charity and to community efforts in favour of justice, to bring up their children in the Christian faith, to cultivate the spirit and practice of penance and thus implore, day by day, God’s grace. In this way, they will surely obtain the grace of conversion and salvation.

Under certain circumstances, an ecclesiastical marriage tribunal can assist divorced Catholics in remarrying validly before the Church in accordance with Canon Law.

The Church does not allow divorced Catholics who have remarried to receive Holy Communion and other sacraments. This is not meant as a penalty or discrimination against these Catholics, but a practice based upon Sacred Scripture. Firstly, their state and condition of life objectively contradict that union of love between Christ and the Church which is signified and effected by the Eucharist. Secondly, and this is a special pastoral reason: if these Catholics were admitted to the Eucharist, the faithful would be led into error and confusion regarding the Church’s teaching about the indissolubility of marriage.

When, for serious reasons such as the children’s upbringing, a man and a woman cannot satisfy the obligation to separate, they may be admitted to Holy Communion, provided they take on themselves the duty to live in complete continence (that is, by abstinence from the acts reserved to couples who are properly married in the eyes of the Church), and avoid public scandals to the other faithful.

All pastors are forbidden, for whatever reason or pretext even of a pastoral nature, to perform ceremonies of any kind for divorced Catholics who remarry, for this would give the impression of the celebration of a new sacramentally valid marriage, and would thus lead people into error concerning the indissolubility of a validly contracted marriage. Under certain circumstances, it would be inappropriate, pastorally speaking, for Catholics who have remarried (not in accordance with Canon Law) to hold major posts (such as eucharistic minister or chairperson of the parish council) in the ecclesial community, because it would lead to misunderstandings or scandals.

Those without a Family

For those who have no natural family as a result of the actual circumstances in which they are living (such as the elderly obliged to stay alone), the doors of the Church must be opened even wider. The Church is a home and family for everyone, especially those who “labour and are heavily laden”.

Abbreviations:

CCC Catechism of the Catholic Church (1992)

CIC Codex Iuris Canonici (Code of Canon Law – 1983)

FC John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio Regarding the Role of the Christian family in the Modern World (22-11-1981)

GS Vatican II, Pastoral Constitution Gaudium et Spes On the Church in the Mordern World

HV Paul VI, Encyclical Humanae Vitae On the Regulation of Birth (29-7-1968)

3. CONCRETE PROPOSALS

Before putting forward any concrete proposals, it is necessary to consider if there are enough human, material and financial resources in the Diocese, as well as the feasibility of the proposals. The following proposals, all based on these considerations, aim at: attempting to bring the situation of marriage and family life in our Diocese as described in Part One, closer to the standards laid down in Part Two. In other words, we aim at searching for appropriate means to improve the present situation. The following concrete proposals are categorized into two parts: structural and strategic.

3.1 Structural Proposals

To set up a “Commission for Marriage and Family Pastoral Care” at the diocesan level (abbr. as “CMFPC”) to be responsible for planning, co-ordinating and regulating all the programmes related to marriage and family pastoral care within the Diocese.

Taking into consideration their own needs, all parishes can decide whether or not to set up a “Marriage and Family Pastoral Care Group” (abbr. as “MFPCG”).

Reasons for setting up the CMFPC

Independent organizations and institutions engaged in marriage and family pastoral care have been set up in the Diocese, such as Caritas Family Service, CMAC, Couple Co-Creation Society Ltd., etc. Their operation has been sound enough, but they are independent of one another, without a system of co-ordination. Most of them only operate at the diocesan level, without parishes getting direct benefits from them. CMFPC can make a contribution to marriage and family pastoral care in parishes.

Familiaris Consortio has recommended that a diocese should set up some institutions, such as research centres, for improving marriage and family pastoral work. According to the present situation of Hong Kong society and of the Diocese, it is expected that the setting up of CMFPC would be more appropriate.

There are a lot of enlightening messages and recommendations in Familiaris Consortio that are still not known to the local faithful. It is suggested that the CMFPC can actively promote the study of this document and adopt those recommendations that match the situation of the Diocese of Hong Kong.

Structure of CMFPC

Bishop

(nominated and appointed by the Bishop;

refer to 3.1.3 for membership)

CMFPC members)

Members of CMFPC

Tentatively they may include:

Representatives from Catholic married couples
Three representatives from single-parent (due to separation, divorce or bereavement) families
Married permanent deacon
Representative from CMAC
Representative from Caritas Family Service
Representative from Family Movement
Representative from the Family Group under Focolare Movement
Representative from Couple Co-Creation Society Ltd.
Representative from the marriage and family formation programmes by Fr. Thomas LEUNG
Representative from the Birthright Society
Representative from Guild of St. Luke, Ss. Cosmas & Damian, Hong Kong
Catholic lawyers
Women religious
Priests
Catholic teachers and Catholic social workers

Responsibilities of CMFPC

They may include (also refer to 3.2.2.H):

Pastoral Care

To publish the “Guide to Marriage and Family Pastoral Care”, the “Catechism for Families in Hong Kong”, the “Family Prayer Book” and the “Comprehensive Practical Directory”.

To introduce and promote natural family planning

To promote the respect for human life

To encourage the practice of the virtue of chastity

To promote the study of Familiaris Consortio

To set up a fund for the promotion of various formation programmes

Auxiliary work

To provide formation for voluntary workers: Catholic voluntary workers for marriage and family services must be given appropriate formation.

The setting up of MFPCG

Parishes may set up MFPCG according to their own needs. They may nominate qualified Catholic leaders to join the formation programmes for voluntary workers organized by CMFPC. After due formation, the leaders may help the parish priest to plan and carry out pastoral work and services related to marriage and the family in the parish. MFPCG may also, according to the needs of the parish, implement the concrete proposals put forward by CMFPC.

Work of MFPCG

MFPCG may undertake the following responsibilities, according to the needs of the parish (see also 3.2.2.F):

To provide formation for youths on the moral values of marriage

To provide formation for newly married couples and their children

To offer consultation services for marriage and family problems

To give guidance on natural family planning

To set up family care groups with special attention to

the elderly in families

single-parent (due to separation, divorce or bereavement) families

families with members who are mentally or physically disabled, or who are drug addicts, runaways, and mental patients

families of new arrivals from the Mainland

families affected by violence

To encourage family prayers

To assist in marriage ceremonies

To provide funeral and burial services

To bring out the importance of marriage and the family through the liturgy, such as encouraging family members to celebrate important family events like birthdays, wedding anniversary, etc.

Conclusion

The aim of setting up CMFPC is to plan for, coordinate, and promote the work of the organizations/institutions that are effectively operating in the Diocese. These bodies have staff with professional training and rich experience. It is therefore hoped that CMFPC will bring these bodies to work together, so that the resources of the diocese for marriage and family pastoral care may be more fully utilized and their quality up-graded.

3.2 Strategic proposals

Marriage and family pastoral care should keep abreast of the current situation of the family and its development, the different stages of marriage and the age of the family members: the Church must make use of every opportunity to offer pastoral care. Under all circumstances, family pastoral care should aim at every member of the family, and should provide assistance when necessary.

The following strategic proposals include: (1) Keeping in mind the important stages in life, and identifying therein the areas of concern for marriage and family pastoral care; and (2) taking action at various levels for those areas of concern, including the putting forward of concrete proposals based on the observations from the above analysis of the present situation.

3.2.1 Key points that need special attention in relation to marriage and family pastoral care at different stages in life:

A. Teenage Period (around secondary school period)

During this period, teenagers are curious about everything related to sex. They are sentimental and emotional, but do not know how to keep a balance between the two aspects. Their sense of religion begins to grow too. They need to learn how to get along with others amidst the tension between their own ego and the community. They start taking interest in the opposite sex, whom they get to know and befriend, and they even try to look for sexual pleasures. Along the way, they may be misled into holding immature ideas of friendship, or reaching out for and experiencing the opposite sex with a pair of sexually distorted eyes. They are a lot of “first times” in this period: the first time to get in touch with pornographic materials (magazines, audio-visual media and websites), to take part in activities for both sexes at night, to have a date with the opposite sex alone, first love, etc.

Parents should seize every opportunity to positively and actively help their children know, and with them meditate on, the Christian values and the ideas about friendship, love, sex, marriage, life, family and so on.

It is recommended that some integrated courses should be provided for teenagers on handling the integration of ethics, psychology, social intercourse, sociology, faith and spirituality.

B. Youth Period (youths receiving tertiary education or working)

Knowing the characteristics of different personalities can help young people to get along with others.

There is a need for them to handle problems regarding friendship and love.

It is necessary for them, with strong faith and sound spirituality, to discern their orientation in life, reject temptations, cultivate virtues and choose the Christian values in the areas of sex and love.

Young people who are in love should be reminded the following:

That the faith of their future spouse may influence their life after marriage. Thus, if the future spouse is a non-Catholic, it is necessary to let him/her know in advance the Church teachings on marriage, family life and the upbringing of children, etc.

That they should start building a stable relationship with the future parents-in-law, so that the latter can become resources for the support of their marriage.

C. Period after Marriage

The following are factors that contribute to a happy marriage:

Both spouses are independent and mature individuals with the ability to love and to give.

Knowing the Christian values on marriage, so as to be ready to commit oneself, to take responsibility and to live out the true meaning of Christian marriage.

Maintaining sound communications and intimacy.

Knowing the characteristics of the personality of the spouse, so as to be able to accept each other and be ready to forgive.

Knowing the characteristics of married life in its different stages, for a better mutual accommodation and cooperation.

Willing to accept, to show understanding and, whenever necessary, to forgive the spouse, and to offer mutual assistance by bearing the Cross with love, thereby growing and attaining sanctity together.

Being able to rely on God’s graces.

Giving importance to praying and practising spirituality with the spouse.

D. Period of being Parents

When children go through different stages of maturity in the development of their personality (stages defined by the famous psychologist Erikson as: trust, autonomy, initiative, industry, identity, intimacy and creativity), parents are also challenged to grow up with them.

Parents should be aware that they play an irreplaceable role in the education of their children on marriage and family life.

Parents ought to put their faith into practice and follow the spirit of the Gospel, taking the will of God alone as a guide. They ought to be ready to make self-sacrifice, to forgive, to be willing to reconcile themselves with others, and to appreciate the importance of setting a good example for their children.

Family is the place to witness to the life of faith.

E. The Elderly

As time goes by, the elderly gradually lose their working ability, their authority, their relatives, their time for being with their family, their basic bodily functions and their sense of security, etc. If they lack understanding and care on the part of their family, they could easily become irritable, insistent, desirous of controlling others, garrulous, absent-minded and unforgiving.

In addition, their past might have left behind many unsettled issues that still bother them, and perhaps also relationships with others that have not yet improved, as well as problems not yet resolved, thus worsening their present situation.

The spiritual exercises they need for themselves are:

Keeping in mind that they have inevitably become impoverished and “incompetent”, to take the initiative to pray for the grace of “spiritual poverty” and practise the virtues of “self-giving” and “self-renunciation”, aiming at the stage of unconditional trust in God.

To redefine their roles in the family, which can be the roles of listening and counselling.

To accept themselves for what they are, and forgive and affirm themselves, just as God accepts, forgives and affirms us.

They should forgive all those who have hurt them, including their closest relatives and their most beloved ones and take the initiative to be reconciled with them, because God has been forgiving us unconditionally all the time.

With the spirit of faith, to give thanks and praise to God for all the good times and bad times in life.

To bless everyone they have met in life.

3.2.2 Promotion of Marriage and Family Pastoral Care

A. For Parents and the Family

Whether or not one can enjoy a healthy marriage depends to a large extent on the model set by one’s parents and on family education. One begins to prepare for one's future marriage from birth. The first six months are the most determining period. One has to experience the love given by the important persons around him/her, such as parents, siblings, relatives, etc.; otherwise, one will look for love in some inappropriate ways. One's concepts and values about marriage will be moulded and follow a definite pattern as one grows up, and this, in turn, has a great influence on the happiness of one's future marriage. In this area, the parents and the family play a prominent role.

When children are attending secondary school:

Parents should start learning how to adjust themselves to their role of being both a teacher and a friend to their children.

In order to provide proper sex education, it would be better for parents to receive some formation, since most parents of this present generation have not themselves received any sound sex education. And it is important for parents to understand that they have the right and obligation to offer their children sex education.

Parents should educate their children to make their own judgement of values, avoiding negative influence from the media. In this regard, parents should set a good example to their children, taking the responsibility to monitor the content of the media and to voice objection when necessary.

To their children parents should be like good friends, whom their children can trust and with whom they can share their feelings and ideas.

Parents should try their best to arrange some time every day for the whole family to get together, allowing a chance for dialogue and sharing. Besides, family members are encouraged to pray together, especially at night, reviewing their daily lives together and forgiving one another's failings.

Parents should hold a grand celebration for their own parents' wedding anniversaries and for their own.

For young people, their family should be a place where they can find understanding, acceptance and support.

Parents are recommended to celebrate the sixteenth, eighteenth and twenty-first birthdays of family members: these are occasions for celebrating the growth in life and for giving thanks and praise to God. Young people can thereby understand the importance of bearing responsibility, learning to rely on God in everything, and taking a positive outlook on life.

The events that mark the commencement or completion of important stages in life, such as family members graduating from secondary school, being admitted into university or graduating from university, are occasions for celebration and giving thanks to God.

B. For Schools

For secondary schools:

Education, formation and counselling in school should focus not only on knowledge, but also on interpersonal relationships, getting along with the opposite sex, friendship, communication skills, commitment and education for and cultivation of the virtue of chastity.

Integrated courses, organized by teachers who are assisted by Church personnel and social workers, should help students to integrate the various levels of their life: their intellect, senses, human rapport, social awareness and faith. The practical course of action can be taken flexibly, such as: integrating the courses into the moral education/religious studies in the school or regularly offering specific education to enabling the students to grasp the authentic values of sex, marriage and family life, as well as the relevant teachings of the Church.

It is necessary to provide special formation for Catholic teachers on sex education, marriage, family life and spirituality from the Christian perspective, so that they may then teach the above integrated courses.

Human resources: It is proposed that a pastoral assistant should be recruited for each Catholic school, helping the Diocese/Catholic schools to teach the true meaning of marriage and family life (including the exploration of topics on marriage and sex, such as the virtue of chastity, premarital sex, extra-marital affairs, cohabitation, unmarried mothers, abortion and so on), helping young people to have a healthy psychological growth.

C. For Sunday School

Set up the parents’ association and hold a regular gathering every month, as to provide formation for the parents on faith, husband-wife and parent-child relationships, and to educate parents on the ways of providing proper sex and marriage education for their children.

Organize a biweekly catechism class for secondary students on Sunday. Guide them to pray and reflect, in the light of their faith, on such topics as social trends and difficulties faced by teenagers.

The assignments of Sunday school should be specifically designed to involve the "participation" of parents and their "cooperation" with their children as a "must". This would then provide faith formation for the parents, enhancing their sense of belonging to the parish, and contributing to a better parent-child relationship. This kind of assignments should be given at least once a month.

D. For Catechism Classes

Catechists should provide an in-depth explanation of the Christian values on marriage and the family, in the light of God’s salvific plan.

It is necessary to consolidate the faith formation of adult and teenage catechumens on both sacramental and non-sacramental marriages. Natural family planning and the significance and importance of infant baptism should be introduced and explained to them.

E. For the Media

Set up some supportive Christian websites, E-mail boxes and chatrooms about healthy marriage and family life, and produce related CDs.

Produce some drama programmes of high quality about faithful and enduring marital love and married life, and show them on the Internet and TV channels.

Produce homepages and CDs, and set up E-mail boxes, chatrooms, etc. to handle teenager problems on curiosity about sex and difficulties encountered in friendship.

F. For Parishes

Regular Pastoral Work:

Concrete plans for marriage and family pastoral care should be included in the annual plan of the parish.

The parish should make the best use of the pastor’s Sunday homily and the experience-sharing by the faithful to cultivate authentic marriage and family values.

In order to strengthen family ties, the parish can organize various kinds of activities in which family members are encouraged to participate, to show their concern for people’s livelihood and for the neighbourhood, the disabled and the elderly.

When the faithful apply for Church weddings, baptisms and admission into Catholic school for their children, or when they newly move into the parish, or when their family members are hospitalized or when they hold funerals, the parish should distribute related educational leaflets about family life, and with information on follow-up services if necessary.

A library corner for “marriage and family life formation” may be set up in the parish.

Activities like family dinners/parties, picnics, etc. may be organized, which can include elements that promote parent-child relationship and the unity of and cooperation between family members.

Gatherings for married couples and sharings on family life may be organized.

The parish should deepen the fundamental belief and spiritual formation of the faithful, including their prayer life (personal, family, faith community and so on), frequent Communion, regular confession and catechetical instruction.

"Home visits" should be promoted, and "love and care" put into practice as to enhance the sense of belonging to a community.

The parish can make use of certain events, such as Valentine's Day, Mother's Day and wedding anniversaries, to affirm, through liturgical functions, the true meaning of love and to give expression to it by couples renewing their marital commitment.

The parish should arrange Masses for children or families on a regular basis, and parents with their children, whether those not yet baptized or those attending Sunday school, should be encouraged to participate.

Pastoral Work for the Faithful under different Situations:

For the elderly:

Set up a concern group for the elderly: contact or visit the elderly regularly, especially those who are living alone and those who are sick, and organize some seasonal activities for the elderly and ask for support from Caritas social workers.

Celebrate Christmas, the Day for the Elderly (third Sunday in November) and other Chinese traditional festivities with the elderly in the parish.

If there are enough resources, the parish can set aside a place for the leisure and gatherings of the elderly.

For Young People:

The parish should help young people to form peer-groups where they can have sharings on faith and life, and make more room for their well-being.

For Teenagers

The parish should set up more faith communities with a strong sense of community, a variety of recreational and sport activities, a sense of mission and practical services, for the formation and actualization of healthy friendship and relationship between the two sexes.

Infant Baptism:

With couples who attend Sunday Mass as the target, the pastor can explain periodically, during Sunday homilies, the meaning and importance of infant baptism. Information leaflets and bulletin boards can also be used for further illustration. (For instance, the parish can carry out promotion when there is infant baptism during Sunday Mass.)

God’s faith and His convenant with His people can be used more often as the key points for study by lay associations and for their allocations.

For Married Couples:

Set up some small communities for couples in the parish. These communities should preferably be composed of couples, but they can also be unisex.

Subsidize the association of Sunday school parents, providing formation for them so that they will be competent to offer proper sex and marriage education for their children.

For Newly Married Couples:

Visit them and guide them to join the communities for married couples or lay associations in the parish.

Promote family prayer by grouping several families together, so that they can pray together regularly and encourage each other. Use group dynamics to keep these families together on a permanent basis.

Pastoral Work on Special Occasions:

Assistance for the Catholics whose marriages are on the brink of breaking up:

In the case of Catholics who for practical reasons have to divorce in a short while, not only can the pastors offer pastoral counselling, but they can also enlist the help of related services provided by some voluntary organizations or the government (such as the “marriage mediation services” entrusted to CMAC by the Legal Aid Department).

To show pastoral solicitude for families and couples who are in need of special assistance, such as the spouses of mixed marriages (one party being Catholic and the other being a baptized non-Catholic or without religion), single-parent families, families in which both parents have got a job, divorced or cohabiting couples, couples who are separated for practical reasons, migrants, and families with runaway children.

G. For the Deanery

Couples may need professional counselling when their marriage is in difficulties. The parish can refer these couples to the professional counselling bodies set up by the deanery to help them resolve their problems.

Groups for families in special situations (such as the divorced, single-parent families, etc.) can be set up in the deanery, equipped with appropriate information, human resources and support from peer groups. (Most of the faithful would be unwilling to join similar groups in the parish, to avoid being easily identified and labelled.)

The deanery should plan and promote the study of the Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, and put into practice its teachings and recommendations.

Large-scale activities on the “Christian family life education” and other relevant activities should be arranged with other institutions that have the necessary resources.

The deanery can provide formation for Catholic couples as leaders, so that they can become facilitators for the promotion of various groups and formation programmes for marriage and family life.

It is recommended that discussions be held at the deanery level on the present condition of marriage and family life in the Diocese, so that appropriate activities and formation programmes can be planned and held.

H. For the Diocese

Formation:

Considerations may be given to publishing the following:

“Catechism for Family in Hong Kong": It introduces the meaning of Christian marriage, the necessary information for forming a Catholic family and so on. This publication can be given to newly married couples as a gift from the pastor during weddings or be used as guidebook by the “Marriage and Family Pastoral Care Groups”.

“Guide to Pastoral Care for Marriage and Family”: It lists the basic contents, stages and ways of pastoral care and counselling both before and after marriage. It should aim at balancing the different areas related to marriage, namely, doctrine [including the pastoral principles of the Church on certain concrete issues (such as premarital sex, cohabitation, pre-marriage formation, wedding, mixed marriage, family planning, religious education for children by parents, divorce, and under what circumstances Canon Law allows divorced Catholics to remarry validly…)], education, law and medical science. From the pedagogical point of view, this publication does not simply supply information, but those who use it must try their best to make Catholics who are preparing for marriage or who are married, have the desire to take on their mission and to play an active part in the community life of the Church.

"Guide to Family Prayer": It aims at helping the faithful to acquire the basic knowledge about prayer, so that prayer for them will not become something abstract.

"Comprehensive Practical Directory": It helps the pastors to refer the faithful whose marriages or families are in difficulties to competent professionals and institutions for assistance.

Pastoral Work in general

Natural Family Planning (NFP) should be introduced and actively promoted, with special attention to providing married couples with spiritual and material support. Suggestion: Help married couples or future couples who have already adopted or desire to adopt the NFP to form a community, so that they can offer mutual encouragement and support, and share their experiences.

The virtue of chastity should be promoted and practised. Teenagers and married couples should be encouraged to make a commitment to chastity publicly or semi-publicly (such as during a special liturgy).

Promote the message that "Human life is sacred and must never be violated". Advocate the respect for human life at its different stages, including the stage before birth, and defend birthright.

Provide formation for Catholic teachers who, in turn, can teach integrated courses on teenage development.

Carry out a Catholic youth leadership award programme to train young leaders of teenage communities in the parish.

The Diocese should ask the Catholics who request to have their marriage con-validated to attend specially designed formation programmes conducted by CMAC or Caritas, similar to other Catholics who must receive formation before marriage.

Expand the necessary resources and set up a fund for the promotion of education on family life, marriage, sex and love.

Promote the study of Familiaris Consortio and implement its teachings and recommendations.

Set up a Diocesan central library (resource centre), encouraging Catholics to read, to have access to books and other relevant materials which can deepen their spirituality and faith. Diffuse information and materials which can contribute to a happy marriage and happy family (books, magazines, CDs, video tapes, websites etc.). To begin with, the library of the Holy Spirit Seminary can be made available to all the faithful.

Widely promote the requirements for a happy marriage and happy family life.

Provide, in Catholic hospitals, Caritas institutions and all married life organizations, “prenatal formation programmes” for couples who will soon become parents, on how to offer proper education (including sex education) to their children and how to build up a sound parent-child relationship at different stages.

Advocate respect for the elderly:

Prepare formation materials:

Advocate filial obedience and the spirit of gratitude as taught in Catholic faith.

Encourage people to know more about the family backgrounds and the upbringing of their parents, so they can treat them with understanding.

Let more people understand how the degeneration of the elderly, physically and otherwise, brought them pressure psychologically and affected them adversely.

Encourage people to spend more time with the elderly to bring them love and care.

Encourage parents and children to forgive and accept one another and themselves.

Design a holy picture or object with blessings for the elderly. Encourage children to invite their parents to dinner on the Day for the Elderly, Father’s Day and Mother’s Day, and during dinner give that holy picture or object to their parents as a gift.

Auxiliary Work

Design for people who are busy and under great strain “a formation package which can liberate them from anxiety, provide them with a spirituality of work, make their life more balanced, relaxe their tensed emotions, help them to be reconciled with themselves and to share their burdens with their spouse.”

Help parents who are both working full-time to provide proper education on sex and marriage for their children.

Explore how to provide formation for the faithful to help them adjust themselves to the pattern of marriage and family life prevailing nowadays, a pattern that is "highly demanding on your spouse, under great strain, and short of personal resources (time, energy and emotions). "

Show concern for the drug - abuse situation of young people.

Design leadership courses for Catholic couples.

Explore the possibility of setting up a research centre for the family in the Diocese.

Liturgy

Celebration of marriage

Christian marriage normally requires a liturgical celebration expressing in social and community form the essentially ecclesial and sacramental nature of the conjugal covenant. The ceremony should be kept simple and dignified. It should � in accordance with concrete circumstances of time and place and in conformity with the norms issued by the Holy See � include elements that show the uniqueness of Chinese culture and Hong Kong’s local culture, thereby expressing more clearly the human and religious significance of marriage. For the bride and bridegroom, and for the ecclesial community attending it, the ceremony should be an opportunity to preach God’s Words and to make a proclamation of the Catholic faith. The priest celebrant on his part has the responsibility to offer faith formation to the new spouses and all the other participants.

Consolidation of the Premarriage Faith Formation

A complete premarriage faith formation should include the following:

Has the

No future spouse

been baptized?

Yes

It is suggested that the one-hour faith formation session usually given by pastors in the “Premarriage Formation Programmes” conducted by CMAC and Caritas Family Service should be extended to eight hours, with the help and co-ordination of the Diocesan Catechetical Centre, the Diocesan Office for Laity Formation, Focolare Movement, Family Movement, the Catholic Charismatic Renewal, etc., so that different problems about sacramental and non-sacramental marriages can be tackled more seriously and faith formation can be strengthened.

Catholics who request the “convalidation of their marriage” and who are relatively young should also take part in a specially designed formation programme.

Appendices

Appendix (1):

Analysis of Sex Values and Sexual Orientations of Hong Kong Adolescents

Dating and courtship begin at school age.

Premarital sex is widely accepted and especially well received by those who are preparing for marriage.

Ample sex experience at an early age.

First love and courtship begin at the age of 12-14 (the earliest being 8);

First sex experience at the age of 13-15 (the earliest being 10);

Boys mostly react with impulse and express “enjoyment and satisfaction” after their premarital sex experience;

Girls would react with reluctance coupled with positive response, and express “worries” afterwards;

Most young people employ contraceptive means and have sexual affairs at home during daytime.

Homosexual practice is becoming more common and socially acceptable.

Appendix (2): Marriage and Divorce Rates in Hong Kong

	1994	1998	1999
No. of marriages	38,300	31,799	31,300
No. of divorces	7,735	13,129	13,408
No. of remarriages: Bride remarried Bridegroom remarried Both parties remarried	2,101 2,227 981	2,241 2,511 1,330	2,302 2,520 1,480

Statistics on the Hong Kong population from the Government Information Service:

	1994	1998	1999
Age 15-64	4,271,400	4,822,000	4,951,400

The above statistics reflect the following facts:

The population was growing, while marriages were decreasing.
The number of marriages was falling, but divorces were becoming more common.

Appendix (3): Analysis of Reasons Leading to Marriage and Family Problems

Unclear concepts

Lack of confidence in marriage

Scepticism towards the value of the marriage covenant

Shifting of standards

Change in family values – emphasis on material needs and neglect of spiritual values.

Decline in traditional cultural values. Wide-spread liberalism and permissiveness also lead to different standards in beliefs and values.

The media emphasize hedonism, and under its influence, sex is isolated from love.

Focus is on the feelings of love, and therefore when such feelings are gone, marriage no longer makes sense.

Communication problems in the family

Lack of mutual respect leads to communication problems among family members and jeopardizes its harmony.

With the progress of technology and the wide-spread utilization of electronic media, most of the time family members occupy themselves on the internet and on ICQ, leaving little time for communications between themselves.

The trend to adopt a single solution for marriage problems

The “instant food” mentality today has induced people to lose patience easily in resolving their problems. Once problems appear in their marriage, people promptly opt for divorce as a solution. On the other hand, in the environment of our commercial society, the problems that a family encounters are mounting and more and more complicated.

This mentality is common: “Let’s stay together if we can get along well, and if we can’t, let’s part”.

Appendix (4): Pastoral Data on Marriage and Family Life in the Diocese of Hong Kong

	1994	1998	1999
No. of baptisms	3,911	4,236	4,178
No. of confirmations	3,006	3,031	2,970
No. of marriages	1,035	973	1,032
Marriages with two Catholic parties	202	154	167
No. of Catholics getting married	1,237	1,127	1,199

1. The number of baptisms and confirmations each year has been comparatively stable, amounting to 4,000 and 3,000 respectively.

The number of church marriages each year, around 1,000, has been stable.

The number of Catholics getting married each year, around 1,200, has also been rather stable.

For marriages involving two Catholic parties, statistics show that the number had been declining for the years 1994, 1998 and 1999.

Furthermore, all the statistics from the Caritas Family Service Unit reveal that in 1998-1999, remarriages, single-parent families, and problems involving mental health, emotions and children's discipline are on the rise.

Appendix (5): Formation for marriage and family in the Diocese of Hong Kong

1. Formation for Marriage

Premarriage formation programmes: provided by Caritas, CMAC, Fr. Thomas Leung, SJ, and others.

Penuptial Inquiry

Wedding Preparations

Marriage Tribunal

Celebration of Marriage

Arrangements by individual parishes

2. Formation for the Family

Services provided by Caritas and CMAC

Arrangements by individual parishes

From the above information, we can reach the following conclusions:

Formation provided by the Diocese for marriage and the family is inadequate.

The Diocese has only issued guidelines requiring all couples who are getting married in the Church must receive premarriage formation provided by Caritas and CMAC, and that they must approach their parish priests for prenuptial inquiry and marriage preparations. Other than these, the Diocese have not done anything substantial for premarriage formation.

With regard to formation for the family, except for programmes provided by Caritas and CMAC, the Diocese seems to have no comprehensive and concrete pastoral plans. Besides, not much has been achieved in the implementation of the above guidelines. For instance, even though the recommendations from the Study Camp for Priests in 1994 were very positive and feasible, yet regrettably, except for the requirement of registration six months ahead of marriage, most of those recommendations have not yet implemented.

Appendix (6): From the parish perspective

Being celibates, priests might not be able to show enough empathy in dealing with the marriage problems of their parishioners.

The faithful who have marriage problems are, to a certain extent, rather sceptical about the assistance offered by priests, in so far as the latter are celibates who might not have received sufficient training for family pastoral care.

Many of our faithful are still under the influence of the traditional religious formation, which places emphasis on the catechetical knowledge. As a result, these faithful lack the initiative for ongoing formation and a deeper understanding of the Church for what it is, and therefore they cannot keep pace with the development of the Church.

If either the parents or the children do not have enough religious formation, then one party would complain about the zeal of the other party as Catholic. On the contrary, if all the family members are actively involved in Church life, they will give mutual support to one other. The role and responsibility of the parents are more important, because they have direct influence on the growth of their children.

Talks given by individual priests or professionals are held only occasionally in the parish. Usually it is those families without problems who will attend. Subsequently the parish has no definite channels nor indications for the parishioners with regard to follow-up formation.

When there are problems with a marriage, most of the time it is the wife who would actively seek assistance, while the husband would be more passive, considering the problems to have come from the wife and not from himself. On the contrary, hotline services that do not require a face-to-face discussion are welcomed by husbands.

The mentality has not yet been formed in the parish community for the faithful to be willing to reveal to or share with others their own family problems. Nor are they ready to lend a hand to those with problems.

Mixed marriages are becoming very common. If the Catholic party in these marriages lack a firm foundation for his/her faith, he/she might easily give up his/her faith, and might either drift away from the Church or join another religion.

Similarly, in mixed marriages, the Catholic party who is too zealous in parish work might bring about a crisis in the family. Such a kind of zeal may also be an indication of escapism.

Whether it be a marriage or a funeral service, an occasion happy or mournful, the sincere support and assistance of the parish in the preparations and participation of these activities will give the faithful concerned as well as their relatives a sense of fraternity. Therefore, they will not feel isolated when faced with problems. Such care and support should be encouraged and promoted by all means.